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Published 11:48 19 Sept 2016 BST
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He uses neither.
He's teed up at the edge of the box. Wayne Rooney. This is it. He even has time to work it onto his right.
He rolls it to the Watford full back instead.
Wayne Rooney thinks he has three options here.
What he actually has is every single Watford player behind the ball and marking up.
When dreams quickly turn to reality.
Luke Shaw has Wayne Rooney free so he slides him through.
This is 2016 Wayne Rooney we're talking about.
Defenders always drop off big Zlatan. Just sit it up for him Valencia-style, Ibra will eat that up.
Oh.
There goes the most expensive player in the world, completely free. Just roll it to him. Look at all that space.
FFS.
It's a special case, this Rooney one. Managers and pundits are seemingly oblivious to his waning talent. How can United get the best out of him, that's still the question. Don't worry about it, lads. They don't need to get the best out of him and no position will get the best out of him anyway.
He's struggling to play football. He's not struggling to play in certain positions.
Whether you think he's a striker, a 10, or a midfielder is irrelevant. Zlatan, Martial, Rashford, Mata, Mkhitaryan, Herrera, Pogba and even Ashley bloody Young are all ahead of him in any position Mourinho could possibly play Rooney.
But the selection process seemingly has nothing to do with current ability when that should be the only basis for picking any team.
You don't have Wayne Rooney of five years ago.
You don't have Wayne Rooney nonchalantly waiting for the ball to drop from the sky in front of the Newcastle defence so he could smash it into the top corner for the craic.
You don't have Wayne Rooney defying gravity, floating above Kompany and Richards to score one of the most iconic goals in Premier League history.
You have Wayne Rooney now and he's keeping better players out of the team, he's slowing up good moves and he's wasting ball left, right and centre.
You have this Wayne Rooney and he is not a Manchester United standard player. Alex Ferguson saw that four seasons ago.
Everybody in the world can see that now.
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