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Published 21:01 16 Apr 2018 BST
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You're a rich man after all. You could afford some custom clubs. If NBA players can hit the links with clubs that don't look like they were hit with a shrink ray we're sure you could too. But you don't care do you? You are Peter Crouch. It doesn't matter what people think. You've overcome all that already. You're Peter James Crouch and you've scored a record 51 towering headers and the now second best bicycle kick of all time and you can do whatever the fuck you like.
You can absolutely stroll into the club shop, look around, shrug, pick up the nearest bag of clubs and just go out for a round for the exact same reason you can marry a supermodel and alter an entire nation's belief that footballers don't really have personalities.
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