Usain Bolt nets his first official goals in professional football

The fastest man in the world has finally arrived

Usain Bolt wants to be a footballer more than anything in the world. Not content with his numerous Olympic gold medals and millions upon millions of dollars, the Jamaican athlete has for a number of years told anyone willing to listen that it's his dream to be a footballer. Bolt is a Manchester United, and while things are not going well for the Premier League club currently, they aren't quite bad enough to justify handing him a contract, or even a trial. Instead, he was forced to venture to Australia's A-League, and particularly to the side Central Coast Mariners, in a bid to realise his dream. After securing a trial with the club, Bolt made his debut against amateur side Central Coast Football - which in truth sounds like the Pro Evolution Soccer name for the Central Coast Mariners. The debut, to be honest, didn't go well, and will be better remembered for Bolt missing a very good chance and having the touch of a man who is running around in square shoes. https://twitter.com/FourFourTwo/status/1035490628476579841 It was bad, but Bolt didn't get where he is today (being very fast) by simply giving up every time things got a little difficult. No, he got here by consistently running fast and being damn good at it. So he stuck at this old football malarkey, and on Friday was handed his first start for the Mariners in yet another trial match, against a team named Macarthur South West United. And, esteemed readers, you'll be delighted to hear that Usain St Leo Bolt repaid his manager's faith in him by scoring not only once, but twice in this game, as he made utter mincemeat about of the Macarthur defence. The first goal, which is below, saw Bolt take a touch, run a bit and hit a low, crawling shot towards the goalkeeper, who somehow dove slower than the ball was moving and conceded. https://twitter.com/CCMariners/status/1050687019502862338 The second goal can not rightfully be described in words, so just watch it. https://twitter.com/CCMariners/status/1050689657686581248 It's hard to know whether any of this will convince the Mariners to now sign Bolt up, or continue to play him in a series of meaningless trial matches while they rack up thousands of views and unprecedented publicity. Only time will tell.