Nobody's really playing this game for the love of it. Or for the parish or any of that.

They're playing so they can have a photo of themselves to post on social media so they can show people a different side to themselves. A competitive side. An athletic one. To do this, they need a picture and they need a business-as-usual type of caption to go alongside it - something like 'game day' with two eye ball emojis. Of course, if it's winter or the country is locked down for a pandemic, tactics have to change. Covid-19 has ruled out any fresh material, but if you stock up enough photos over the seasons and don't get too trigger happy when you get them, you'll have enough stored away for these rainy days to remind your buddies that you are actually, very much, a sporting overachiever. So you can use old content as long as the caption is altered - 'can't wait to get back at it' or 'hard to beat the craic with the club'. Bicep emoji, pint emoji, football emoji, running emoji. Hashtag baller. If you want a good photo though, you need to look good. To do this, you have to be clever.

1. Push the chest out, be proud

Simple enough, just accentuate your physique. Make sure they all know what you're made of.

2. Forget about the arm around the shoulder shite

Focus on yourself.

3. Pull the jersey back

When everyone else's is hanging loose, don't fall for it. The trick is to put your hands behind your back and tug the bottom of the shirt downwards so it pulls up and back at the front. So you look like you're filling it. https://twitter.com/daithiocleirigh/status/883003263641157635

4. Tense like you've never tensed before

5. Cross your arms

Push up the biceps, pump out the chest. Also known as the Offaly Bra.

6. Be selfish

Take another man's space if you have to. Do not let him in at your expense.

7. Don't allow yourself to be squashed

It's kill or be killed in this business. Do you think the centre back would allow himself to be squashed?

8. Lean forward like you don't even care

It's like you're not even trying to look big.

9. Hold your breath and don't let go

It's all about the volume.

10. Present yourself in all your glory

You're too big to be stuck in the middle of a line.

11. Push down on the hurl

If you get the press and the angle right, you can show off your triceps and the biceps at the same time.

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