If the column is there to be dodged, this fella will dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge all over it.

It's actually rare that he gets injured during a match or during a training session. Strangely enough, it's always in the intervening days between the two that disaster strikes and he's forced to walk into the dressing room with a big puffy jacket on tick, a wooly hat over his ears, a gentle limp and no gear bag in the paw. The hammy is back at him again, he reveals with a sigh and a shake of the head. He has woeful problems with that hammy of his. If he'd no bad luck he'd have no luck at all. You'd nearly feel sorry for him. But then you remember. Then you cop onto yourself and realise who you're dealing with here. This is captain spoof and he'll make a recovery of miraculous proportions for that Friday night training session the night before a Championship game. That training session where you don't really do anything. But maybe there is something wrong with him this time. Say nothing. But how come there's always something wrong with him? He's the victim from the word go and the manager finds that out fairly lively. Extremely lively. Johnny is very fond of the texting. Doesn't have much time for the phone calls.

First session back (Late December)

Johnny to his manager.

He really is a model player. Just wants to get back into the thick of it. It's never too serious just in case, you know?

Manager to Johnny.

Early January

*Johnny hasn't been sighted in the pitch since. He hasn't even replied to texts from the boss man. He hasn't even seen them, you see Johnny is crafty when he wants to be.

Late January (League kicking off)

*He's hungry for it again. *Johnny plays well in the first round of the League and is coming into his own. He had a bad game second time out and gets sketchy with his manager once more. *Johnny misses the remainder of the League without saying a dickybird to anyone. He declines calls from teammates. He gets away with it because he's based up in Dublin. His manager has copped it now. His teammates have given up on him.

April (Two weeks before championship first round)

Johnny to the team group chat.

Friday evening before training

*Liam removes Johnny from the team WhatsApp...